4:30 AM Thoughts: Sex, Babies, and Menopause—Oh My!
So, it’s 4:30 AM, and here I am, wide awake with a toothache that feels like it's hosting a rave in my mouth. Meanwhile, Kiwi is over there farting in his sleep like he's trying to make a soundtrack out of my misery. Since sleep is a lost cause, I figured, why not share some of the random thoughts my brain insists on keeping me up with: sex, babies, and menopause—because why not?
Let’s kick off with sex. Or more accurately, the lack of it. Kiwi’s probably feeling like he’s waiting in line for something that isn’t happening anytime soon. And honestly? It’s not him, it’s me. Juggling work, running a business, mum duties, partner duties, household chaos, and the horses can all feel a little overwhelming at times. When stress kicks in, my libido (sex drive) just vanishes. Like, poof! Gone. And I’m not alone here. It turns out that libido isn’t just about being “in the mood.” There’s a whole cocktail of things affecting it: hormones, stress, sleep, diet... the usual suspects. So, yeah, when I’m stressed? Sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
Next, let’s talk periods. Oh, joy. My period is one day late (thanks, stress), and of course, my brain goes into full panic mode. I’m not on birth control pills (personal choice), so Kiwi and I are extra careful, but naturally, the “late period” alarm starts blaring. But here’s the thing: your period is like your body’s personal “weather report.” If things are changing—whether it's timing or flow—it’s usually trying to tell you something. And in my case? It’s telling me to chill out.
Back when I was a jockey, we all had this genius idea that the lighter we were, the fitter we’d be. So, we’d skip meals, over-train, and basically push our bodies to the edge, thinking we were really nailing this whole fitness thing. Spoiler alert: we weren’t. A few of us lost our periods because we weren’t eating enough and were stressing our bodies out too much. We didn’t know it at the time, but our bodies were throwing up a giant red flag. Turns out, not eating enough and overexercising? Not a winning combo.
I’ve learned that balance is key. Good food, decent sleep, and managing stress are non-negotiables. You can’t just focus on one thing and expect everything else to magically fall into place. Taking care of your whole self really does make a huge difference in how you feel and function.
Speaking of balance, let’s talk babies. Kiwi’s all in for baby #2, and me? I’m still on the fence. I’m in the best shape of my life, but the thought of sleepless nights and baby chaos? Not so sure. A friend asked me, “How do you keep your sense of self as a mum?” And my answer? You don’t lose yourself—you bring your kids along for the ride. Want to travel? Take them with you. Want to train for a race? Let them cheer you on. Show your kids that life’s meant to be lived.
Oh, and before I forget—menopause. I’m not there yet, but as I turn 30 this year, it’s on my mind. Should I have another baby before time runs out? It’s hard to feel ready when I’m not even sure what I want.
So there you have it: 4 AM thoughts fueled by a toothache and a little too much overthinking. Thanks for sticking with me through this sleep-deprived ramble. Next time, I’ll try to write during daylight hours, after some decent sleep and hopefully with fewer midnight gas explosions. Until then, sending virtual support to anyone else up at this hour. We’ve got this—farts and all!
